A simple framework for bringing safety, honesty, freedom, and connection into intimacy. It helps you check in with yourself and your partner before any intimate interaction.
This framework is useful because it creates the kind of safety that allows real freedom and exploration. When I can trust your no, I can truly trust your yes. Your boundaries help keep me safe because they guide me so I don’t accidentally overstep, and they inspire me to share my own. When I trust that you will say no when something isn’t right for you—and that you won’t judge me for asking—I can express my desires openly instead of filtering them through what I think might be allowed. Just because a desire is spoken doesn’t mean it needs to happen, but expressing it is part of honest connection. Clear boundaries create a shared playground, much like a fence around a playground allows children to explore freely because they know the space is safe. And when certain things are intentionally kept off the table, it often sparks creativity and curiosity about all the other ways we can connect and explore together.
Relationship – Transparency builds trust and honors everyone involved.
- What is your current relationship status?
- Are you single, exploring, or in a relationship?
- If you are partnered, what agreements or obligations do you have?
- Could this interaction affect anyone else?
- How do we make sure everyone involved is respected and cared for?
Boundaries – Clear boundaries create safety and freedom for everyone involved.
- What firm boundaries do you have that must be respected?
- Which activities, forms of touch, or parts of your body are not available today? Be specific.
- What kind of actions, pace, or energy feels supportive for you, and what does not?
Desires – Naming desires invites honesty, creativity, and deeper connection.
- What would you like to explore together in this interaction?
- How would you like to be met, and what feels important for you right now?
- Do you want to feel playful, grounded, sensual, wild, or deeply connected?
- How would you like to give or receive touch, energy, or attention?
Safety – Physical and emotional safety allow everyone to relax and stay present.
Sexual health
- How is your sexual health? Is there anything I should know to make an informed decision about my safety?
- When were you last tested and what were the results?
- Have you had new partners since then? Were barriers used?
Safety agreements
- How will we keep each other safe during this interaction?
- Are there any activities that require extra communication or consent?
- What words or signals will we use if something needs to stop or pause?
Substances
- Have you consumed alcohol or other substances?
- Is anyone under the influence in a way that could affect consent or awareness?
Meaning – Clarifying meaning helps align expectations and intentions.
- What does this interaction mean to you right now?
- Is it exploration, casual connection, friendship, or the possibility of something deeper?
- Are you open to connection beyond today, or is this experience complete when it ends?
Aftercare – Helps us close, integrate, and honor what we shared so both people feel safe and complete.
- What kind of aftercare would feel supportive for you to give and receive?
- What do you need immediately after the interaction to feel cared for?
- What would support you over the next hours or days?
- Would you like to check in later by text, call, or meeting again in person?
Fears – Naming fears helps create safety and understanding before the interaction begins.
- Do you have any fears or concerns about this interaction?
- Is there anything that would help you feel safer, more relaxed, or more supported?
- If a fear or discomfort arises during the interaction, what would help you in that moment?
Trauma Awareness – Understanding sensitivities helps create safety and stay present together.
- Is there any past trauma you’d like me to be aware of so you can feel safe and comfortable in this interaction?
- Is there anything that might feel triggering for you — physically, emotionally, or sexually?
- You don’t need to share your whole story, only what helps your partner support you.
- For example: “Please don’t tickle me.” “Stop immediately if I say no.”
